Celebrity [insert name here]

I have just watched Celebrity MasterChef, and only found the girl with the glasses vaguely familiar, tho’ I have no idea why.

As for Strickly (as I like to think of it) I only recognised Anneka Rice, who has recently been re-awakening her presence (Fugitive? No it’s not called that – TV, people on the run!) as she obviously needs a comeback.

Is it my age? That’s 73! Or because I only do FreeView?

Do I need to do payTV to know who these other people are?

I’m sure they’re all very worthy – but celebrities?

Or should we just ignore that word in the title and look at them as ordinary people?

Discuss!

Is it my age? That’s 73! Or because I only do FreeView?

You’ve heard of “Second Life”? Well most of the “celebrities” are from what I refer to as “proxy life” it’s a setup where people live their lives by proxy. I’d give you a list of programme names but I really can’t be bothered sparing a braincell to store the details. I see the trailers between items of interest.
Easy to spot, they feature young-ish females with more makeup than Max Factor could produce in a month and males only slightly more butch than my neutered cat.

Or should we just ignore that word in the title and look at them as ordinary people?

Famous for wanting to be famous.

You’ve heard of “Second Life”?

No, should I google it? Is it where things are reconditioned rather than being scrapped? That sounds like a good idea!

Or is it a pop group like One Direction?

Ah – googled it! So it’s a virtual world inaccessible to RISC OS users.

No wonder we’ve never heard of them! What’s the word for them? They don’t really exist at all, but we use them to represent characters in a virtual world. It’ll come to me eventually!

But how did Anneka Rice become one? She used to be real! In the olden days, that was!

Avatars! It’s just come to me!

So these programmes are being made using avatars! No wonder I don’t recognise any of them!

It’s all very clever, isn’t it!

We all need fantasy, but living your life by proxy is a sad waste, and I despise those who peddle the pernicious cult of celebrity. How do they differ from drug-dealers? Deference to royalty or to wealth is a similar evil, but tinged with fear. The primary function of journalism appears to be not the dissemination of news but of puerile stupidity. Except for that heart-sinking kick of adrenaline in the morning, why read the papers?

Except for that heart-sinking kick of adrenaline in the morning, why read the papers?

In many cases, so you can aspire to a better mentality.¹
A simple read of a number of F1 related websites will pick up a mix of racing related news and a quick google for f1 related links to Express and Mail stories will get you the latest bolox twist of reality for the same information.

¹ Aspiring to a better mentality than the DE,DM, etc crowd isn’t really that great so after a mental pinkie-finger flick I move on.

Most come from reality TV, youtube, soaps or cheap imported TV shows that fill the wee hours (or perhaps worse, daytime!) of ITV 67 (well ITV2 or 4 but it might as well be 67) or something sky-related. Possibly more than one of the above.

So, yes, nothing that RISC OS users would likely (want to) know about, simply because most RISC OS users have a double-digit IQ. Sorry, I’m being mean, but I’m with John on this one, I think I recognised two on the dancing show this year. But then, I don’t watch that either (but the missus does, sometimes, so…).

I’m a horrible TV bigot thought – if it doesn’t have detectives or space men in, or feature scruffy old men falling off walls, I’m probably not watching.

most RISC OS users have a double-digit IQ.

I think you meant triple, didn’t you?

most RISC OS users have a double-digit IQ

Paging Mr Freud. White courtesy telephone please.

simply because most RISC OS users have a double-digit IQ.

Are we all kikoolols? :)

ah, it was supposed to read “at least a double digit”. Only, apparently, this fool messed up his own joke. I’ll resist the urge to edit my original post ;)

The irony is that I originally wrote triple, but backspaced it because I thought it sounded a bit harsh on any readers for whom that wasn’t the case. But scaling it down to single/double digit reference, it made it clearer that it was a joke, but I didn’t re-read the sentence. And so I am the “April Fool after mid-day”, as it were!

I have just watched Celebrity MasterChef, and only found the girl with the glasses vaguely familiar, tho’ I have no idea why.

There, fixed that for you.

I’m sure they’re all very worthy

That’s being charitable. In my limited experience of “celebrities”, they aren’t worthy of neither time nor attention.

She used to be real!

She used to have a big rear end that spent a lot of time on camera. Or was Graham-the-cameraman just a bit pervy? I dunno, I didn’t hear the audience complaining. ;-)

At least Anneka had something between her ears that functioned. Her replacement, Croft?, was thick as it was possible to be without lapsing into a coma. I mean, when the cameraman is standing over the clue and pointing the camera directly at it, for a long time, and she hurries by and asks what he’s paying so much attention to before going somewhere else. My god, you really wanted to beat your head off the wall. Should have finished the programme when Anneka left…

You’ve heard of “Second Life”?

Oi! I don’t exactly possess a First Life yet!

How do they differ from drug-dealers?

They don’t actively participate in killing people?
Wait… maybe there’s a whole new avenue of reality programming to explore? Celebrity Massacre, where some twat who’s famous for shagging somebody who used to be in a soft drink advert gets to shoot pensioners¹ with a selection of semi-automatic weapons.

not the dissemination of news but of puerile stupidity.

Yes. It depresses me at how utterly retarded some of the british newspapers are. <shhh>I visit the Daily Heil from time to time</shhh> (because it’s useful to get an idea of how the other side are spinning the bollocks and I can’t stand the Express), and when I do I get a pop-up. Do I want the news? Do I want the showbiz? Or do I want both? Use a bigger-screen browser and the entire right column is a load of twaddle of people I’ve never heard of; and don’t feel the slightest bit lacking at not having heard of.

why read the papers?

Because it is an important way to judge what is happpening in important events.
Of course, I don’t exactly turn to the Torygraph and lap up the lies. To have an opinion on an event (or better understand what’s going on), there need to be at least five different newspapers, three of which are not to be located on the country concerned.
So for the hoo-ha in Parliament, it’s Independent and Guardian for the UK (despise the Mail, can’t stand the Express, and thankfully most of the Telegraph’s lies are paywalled). Ouest-France (French). El Mundo (Spanish, and my Spanish sucks but I can just about read it), and The Irish Times (clue in the name ;-)).

Rationale: Everybody has an angle and an axe to grind. Read the same story from enough sources, the truth may start to emerge as the common theme between them all.

simply because most RISC OS users have a double-digit IQ.

Definitely me in the morning. After a few mugs of tea, I manage to make it to triple digits. ;-)

I think I recognised two on the dancing show this year.

The last broadcast TV I watched was Eurovision (but I’m old school, I don’t give a flying flamingo ² about the many social media aspects, I have no idea about the songs or performers until the live broadcast). The TV I watched before that was Dr. Who.
The next TV that I plan to watch is perhaps next month – the “His Dark Materials” series. Unless it’s on at some awkward time in which case I’ll just download it from somewhere.

I have been watching a few things on Amazon Prime. Marathoned the entirety of The Expanse (all three seasons!), quite like Cloak & Dagger because it concentrates on the people and not the superhero rubbish (plus they are deeply flawed people; not whiter-than-white). I’m making my way through Hanna when I have time. I kind of lost interest in Mr. Robot, might try it again in the winter. I’m afraid I wasn’t impressed by Good Omens, only bothered with two episodes. Kudos for attempting to make a live action version of that book, but… yeah… the book is better. Also kind of didn’t get into The Vikings, American Gods, The Boys, or Carnival Row…

if it doesn’t have detectives

Detective stuff tends to be a bit too tedious. The last useful “detective” was either Johnathan Creek (for exercising the brain) or Rosemary and Thyme … because… come on, when has Felicity Kendal ever not been worth watching?

or space men in,

Space is good. But realistic space. The Expanse ticked all the right boxes despite having spaceships and stuff. Probably the most interesting thing I’ve watched in a long time.

Star Trek… on the other hand… I really don’t get. I mean, okay, it was a ground-breaking sort of soap-in-space with the hammiest acting the ‘60s had to offer, but the whole cult of Trek just doesn’t make sense. I mean, I liked Firefly and would happily lend a spanner to Kaylee any time ³, but no, I don’t remember what order the episodes aired in, nor do I have a lego model of the spaceship or……..

or feature scruffy old men falling off walls

Huh? Is that some sort of reference to Columbo? God he was annoying. Just one more thing… YES! EFF-OFF! Grrr!
Give me Father Dowling any day.

Don’t even have anything nice on The Horror Channel to waste an hour or so on.

It’s no wonder I wrote !Manga. Television sucks.

At least on the animé side, the third series of Chihayafuru (the poetry-card game one) is coming in October. Finally something to watch. Because I’m just a little bit sick of fanservice, battling robots, or ordinary schoolgirl has magical powers/fights demons/crosses dimensions to save the world, etc etc etc.
I mean, two of the earliest series I watched post-ADSL was Kamichu! and Haruhi Suzumiya and both were GOD (in varying interpretations), so sorry, pretty much everything else is downhill in comparison. Shy schoolgirl is the only person that can pilot a giant mecha to fight off a horde of aliens? Sounds like a serious design flaw for whoever built the robot… Next!

Sorry. Uh… <looks up, notices it’s Aldershot> Oh, good. Phew! :-)

Anyway, yeah. Celebrities are people who manage to be famous for being famous. And it’s the idiots that want to follow their every bowel motion that enable this. I mean, if nobody cared who [insert name of some random person off MasterChef] was, then this person wouldn’t be anything special.

¹ The current government will be right behind this idea. Dead pensioners don’t claim precious money that could be better spent on hospitals/farmers/some stupid railway nobody wants…

² Thanks to John Bercow for that amusing twist of the phrase that we expected.

³ That was not intended as a euphemism, even though it looks like it’s trying very hard to be one! Perky female engineers are what every good space series needs. Ones who know the right place to thump the engine to get it to work. None of this push-the-red-button or dumping the dilithium core ⁴ crap.

⁴ They did that so many times in the episodes of ST:TNG that I watched that surely space must be littered with the innards of the Enterprise’s engines? I mean, they’re in space so where do they get all the replacements?

The irony is that I originally wrote triple, but backspaced it because I thought it sounded a bit harsh on any readers for whom that wasn’t the case. But scaling it down to single/double digit reference, it made it clearer that it wasn’t the case.

Triple digit IQ’s are, as the saying goes, “pretty average”