Ron's Christmas wish

I would really, really like a forum kill file.

I agree. I just hope it ain’t me!

@ John Williams,
Not you John.

I would really, really like a forum kill file.

Join the queue, Ron. But why defer your wish until Xmas?

But why defer your wish until Xmas?

1. Ron’s not in the USA
2. Thanksgiving is gone anyway

Shall I go quiet? :)

Shall I go quiet? :)

I hope and believe that loquacious as some of the rest of us sometimes unnecessarily are, there’s probably only one real intended victim.

But why defer your wish until Xmas?
# He’s not in the USA
# Thanksgiving is gone anyway

For the itemised lines, have you screwed up your quoting? Most unlike you.

# He’s not in the USA

Who he? Santa Claus? The only other candidate says he is. Perhaps I need further explanation; I often do.

Shall I go quiet? :)

Oh no! We had enough of that when you were afflicted.

For the itemised lines, have you screwed up your quoting? Most unlike you.

Two laptops, Forums & FP2 & MS Teams, Ivanti LANDesk, Cisco Firepower and Outlook all on the go.

I think I ran out of attention.

Who he? Santa Claus?

On reflection, a rude reference to Ron. I will correct that to avoid offence.

only one real intended victim.

Infamy! Infamy! They’ve got it in for me!

I think pretty certainly not you either, Mr Murray.

Infamy! Infamy! They’ve got it in for me!

Are you practicing to become Donald’s stand in?

Practicing? He’s auditioning for it.

Practicing? He’s auditioning for it.

I noticed I seem to have a touch of American, what’s the recommended treatment?

@Ron: Totally agreed…the amount of useless chattering polution is immense…may be some people now lack the chance to attend the local table reserved for regular guests to get some relief…now the net is filled with that…

I noticed I seem to have a touch of American, what’s the recommended treatment?

Tea. Immediate and regular consumption thereof. You should also make a conscious effort to complain about the weather at least twice a day, and practice Being Icily Polite to someone who has upset you.

Recovery is possible.

Tea. Immediate and regular consumption thereof.

Funny you should mention that.

I needed to refill my Tetley quota. I get sacks of 1,100 tea bags from Amazon (price is usually about €30 each with free postage via carrier).
Well, given the utter clusterf!!k that is “deal? what deal?” Brexit, I thought that it might be pertinent to order two. Who knows what the hell is happening or what tea may cost (if it can be sent at all) after January 1st?

2,200 bags. Ought to do me for a little over a year.

“Will no one rid me of this turbulent arsehole” – to paraphrase.

Of whom could I be speaking?

The spellchecker, for some reason unknown to me, miss-corrected that to “whome”!

Could that be a clue?

Recovery is possible.

Don’t forget:

• You must have a little annoyed squeak for when you walk into a door marked “Pull”.
• A carefully composed glare for that person that thinks an lift is a social meeting place.
• It’s a lift, not an elevator.
• Colour is a six letter word.
• You can tell a person’s place by the brand of tea they drink.
• You can switch to ending every sentence with “innit” just to annoy people, innit?
• If anything even remotely happens, the appropriate response is to put the kettle on, dear.
• You have an opinion on whether the tea or the milk is poured first, and anybody telling you that you’re wrong is an immediate declaration of war.
• The letter ‘r’ following a vowel does not exist, it’s an elongated vowel sound. For example there is no ‘r’ in the word “garden” (said like gahhden). All the missing Rs went to America (except Boston).
• You can murder people who ask if you know the Queen simply by glaring and then adding a single tut.
• But if you really want to put somebody down, you know that calling them an arsehole is undignified. Better to exercise your lexicon and damn them with faint praise.
• If they’re so beyond redemption that no form of praise is possible, at least come up with something novel implying sexual acts with a pile driver and a llama. Take inspiration from The Bard, for he wrote some class insults.
• As if tea/milk wasn’t enough, friendships can be made, and ended, over the question of whether the jam or the cream goes on the scone first. And don’t think that’s the end of the argument, is it s-cone or is it skun?
• You automatically and instinctively know how to queue.
• And woe betide anybody who thinks queuing is optional.
• When you wake up feeling happy and optimistic, it’s because you know something is about to go wrong. Horribly wrong.
• But you’ll muddle through.
• When you say “I beg your pardon” and follow that up with suggesting that the other person possibly misunderstood; what that really means is “you annoy me so much I want to kill you with my bare hands”.
• Mastering the art of understatement:
  • “No harm done” → you f’ing twat, look what you’ve gone and done.
  • “A spot of bother” → it’s a bloody catastrophic mess.
  • “That was unwise” → you’re dead.
  • “Just whenever you’re ready” → what the f is taking so long?
  • “Oh, we weren’t expecting you” → don’t you have somewhere else to be?
  • “Make yourself at home” → stay where I can see you at all times.
  • “I don’t mean to be rude” → you’re not going to like what I’m about to say.
  • “It’s not quite what I had in mind” → WTF?
  • “Such tasteful decor” → are you colourblind or something?
  • “Let’s agree to disagree” → you’re wrong but I’m too tired to care anymore.
• If you’re happy and you know it go away !

Master that lot and you can consider yourself cured.

It’s an elevator, not a lift.

That must be the deliberate mistake to check who’s paying attention. Right, Rick?

Well done Andy! ;-)

I’ve made it correct now that it was noticed. David, British people usually call it a lift.

it is quite rude to pronounce an R that follows a vowell,

Yeah. Pull the other one, it has bells on it.

I listen to PPN Radio. Where pretty much all of the advertising is either “lock up your guns” or “don’t drive while buzzed” (weird expression meaning drunk driving).

In the gun advert, lots of people say blah blah blah and I’ll feel safer, they’ll feel safer, we’ll all feel safer. Those Rs come and smack one upside the heid.

To put that into context, I would feel “sayf-uh”. No R in sight.

Not to be confused with a diapir.

Befriending some Australians has been a bit eye-opening too. They tend to say “gotten” a lot, e.g. “I’ve gotten wet” after being in the rain, which we wouldn’t say here (NZ). A friend has bought a new house and told me that he’s getting the removalists in. The what now?

Not that NZ English is perfect; I remember a discussion on here a couple of years ago when I mentioned my front yard. I think the UK term was “garden”.

I also have yet to figure out why Paolo gives half a cent instead of the traditional two cents :)

“I don’t mean to be rude” → you’re not going to like what I’m about to say.

Well, that reminds me…

“With all due respect” translated —> Which is none whatsoever because you are a total…

Clue, not an american speaking, or if they are they are attempting to sound either like a Brit (common on radio)

Strangely, most Americans don’t have a clue what Brit’s sound like¹ because the American film/TV people even train British actors to speak with an accent that’s some kind of bad mish-mash Transatlantic Cockney.

Here is you a clue: They are saying locking up guns is good. Americans NRA say that having your side arm on you is good,

Fixed that for you

and having your long arm and rifle handy incase needed is good, as this is needed to make sure everyone is safe.

Nah, when no one has a gun then nasty accidents, like someone dying because someone else had a short (or long) temper issue, don’t happen.
Forget the Trump and NRA bullshit, check the deaths per million in countries with and without that famous “right to bear arms”

If it is anti arm crap you can bet it is a Californian anti-American saying it, not an American.

Last I looked the map said there was a bit of a gap between Minnesota and California, and Bruce & Diane were anti-gun and resident in what they referred to as “the fly-over bit”

Just out of interest how many US Presidents got killed with a club?

¹ There is in fact no “British” accent. There are many accents and dialects, many of which bewilder visitors from a few miles away, never mind a few thousand.
My wife could be referred to as a Yam-yam² or myself as a Dee Dar³ (neither of us has that strong an accent)

Befriending some Australians has been a bit eye-opening too. They tend to say “gotten” a lot, e.g. “I’ve gotten wet” after being in the rain

That may be the specific origins of the majority English speakers among the early residents.
Some of the population come from relatively isolated/rural areas¹ of the UK (sometimes with a generational stopover in the Americas)
Check the existence of Pamplings (and streets/areas named after them) in Australia.
Most of that lot come from the Essex branch although some are from the Cambridgeshire branch – the whole lot are from a diagonal NW – SE stripe of villages.

¹ That’s everywhere that wasn’t a large town/city

Potentially amusing California aside: One day during Arthur development we became aware that some of the ARX guys had come over from Palo Alto. After lunch, found Bruce (Brian) pouring a thick line of salt across the threshold of his (armoured Herman Miller) office. ‘Cos everyone knows Californians can’t cross salt!

As you note, my Yorkshire has become too diluted – 39 years away.